Don't Turn Away From the Flame
by moonlitmuse
Summary: Post-LLF. Beth goes to Mick one night to right the harsh things she said, and they both might finally find some comfort.


**Title:** Don't Turn Away (From the Flame)

**Pairing:** MickBeth, of course

**Summary:** Post-LLF. Beth goes to Mick one night to right the things she's said and they both might finally find some comfort. Oneshot (I think). And yes, I'm ignoring the 'Mick doesn't have a bed' comment from The Mortal Cure cuz it's just wrong and not very much fun to even contemplate.

**Rating: **PG

**Disclaimer: **Life would be much more fun if they were mine but, sadly, they still belong to CBS and Joel Silver.

**AN:** You can blame The Clarks for the title since I was listening to them while I wrote this and couldn't come up with anything better.

**AN 2**: I know I haven't updated "Let Go" in awhile and I apologize. This is the first thing I've been able to write in a few weeks and I'm not real happy with it, but hopefully it'll break me out of my writer's block so I can get "Let Go" finished soon. 

**Note: **Voiceovers are in _italics_. The intro is a voiceover from Beth (strange, I know. I even shocked myself with that one.) but the rest are all Mick's.

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Don't Turn Away (From the Flame) 

_When Josh died, I should have been lost in my own grief, but I wasn't. I was lost in my own unbelievable guilt and I took it out on Mick. It wasn't his fault, I know that, but he was an easy target. So I lashed out. I blamed him, I pulled away and, in the process, I hurt Mick more than Coraline ever did. Mick, who tried to carry the whole world on his shoulders. Mick, the man I'd been emotionally cheating with for months. Mick, who had disappeared the night I told him I'd rather it'd been him who died. _

_I hadn't meant a word of it, of course. The exact opposite was true, which only made me feel worse. I'd been with Josh for over a year but it was Mick, my guardian angel, who I knew I couldn't live with out. I'll have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life and I will, but I can't live knowing that Mick thinks I hate him. He already carries so much guilt around and I can't bear the thought of knowing I added to it. Which is why I'm here, dripping outside his door at 4a.m. on a dreary Tuesday and praying he'll answer my knock._

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_I could feel Beth the moment she stepped off the elevator but I thought my senses were playing a cruel trick on me…until I heard her tentative knock and saw her beautiful face on my security monitor._

Mick hurried to the door, not wanting to give her time to change her mind. He'd never expected to see her face to face again after their last encounter and he'd returned to his old habit of watching her from afar, just to make sure she was okay. But even from a distance he could see the change in her. It broke his heart to watch the vibrant, pushy woman he'd once known slowly bow beneath the weight of the world around her. He had ached to wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay, just like he'd done all those years ago, but he knew that seeing him would only make things worse for her. Yet here she was, seeking him out.

He opened the door to her and Beth took a hesitant step forward. "Mick," she reached out a hand and, after a moment of shock, he took it, guiding her inside and closing the door behind her.

"Beth," Mick started but he wasn't sure what to say. What could he say beyond the 'I'm sorry' a thousand other people had already offered her? He had let Josh die while he had lived…well, sort of. In his mind, he knew he'd done all he could but there was still a part of him that wondered if he'd tried hard enough, if he'd left his jealousy get in the way somehow.

"Shh," Beth placed a finger on his lips. "I need to tell you something and you have to promise me you'll let me get it out. No interruptions, okay?" Mick mutely nodded so she continued. "I'm sorry, Mick. I'm so sorry. I never should have said those things to you. They weren't true, none of them. I was mad at myself, because I didn't love Josh the way I should have. I couldn't even mourn him the way I should have." Beth choked back her tears and Mick hurried to reassure her.

"It's okay, Beth. You don't have to apologize. I understand."

"No! It's not okay! And what happened to not interrupting?"

Mick fought back a smile, loving that she seemed to have a bit of her spunk back. He managed to act properly chastised and mumbled a believable "Sorry."

"Good, because you need to hear this, Mick. I don't blame you for what happened to Josh. You did everything you possibly could to save him and nothing that happened was your fault." Beth stepped closer to him, closing the few inches between them and staring straight up into his dark, moody eyes. "And it's not your fault that I need you, more than I've ever needed anyone. The truth is, I was never angry at you. I was angry at myself because the hour I thought you were dead in the desert hurt me more than seeing Josh die right in front of my eyes and knowing he was never coming back. What kind of person does that make me?"

Beth felt the tears that had been stinging her eyes begin to wet her cheeks and she gave up trying to hold them back. Before the first sob could pass her lips, she found herself wrapped in Mick's strong arms, her face pressed tightly against his chest while his hands danced up and down her spine. It was all Mick could think to do to soothe her and he cursed his own pathetic attempt, wishing he could do more. But even 85 years wasn't long enough to teach a man how to deal with a crying woman.

Mick whispered inane words of comfort, not even sure what he was saying but it didn't seem to matter much to Beth. The sound of his deep, gentle voice slowly soothed her more than words ever could and, for a moment, she allowed herself to drink in his strength. She'd spent so much time these past few weeks trying to stay strong and reassure everyone else that she was fine, all while being terrified that someone would see through her and blame her for Josh's death, and it felt good to finally lean on someone.

"Beth," Mick jolted her from her thoughts.

"I'm okay." She reluctantly pulled away enough to look up at him, hurrying to reassure him with the empty words she'd offered everyone else. But she should have known Mick wouldn't buy it.

"No, you aren't. You're hurting and you're blaming yourself. Believe me, I know all about that, but now you're the one who needs to listen. You are an amazing person, Beth. The most amazing person I've ever known, and I've been around awhile." That got a brief smile out of her and he smiled back, bringing a hand up to brush the tears from her cheeks. "Josh was lucky to spend the last year of his life loving you and it's not your fault that he's gone. It's not anyone's fault but the guy who held the gun, okay?"

Beth nodded but couldn't stop herself from saying, "But maybe it is my fault. It's my fault because I didn't love him enough, and he knew it. Maybe he'd have hung on longer if I'd just…" Mick tucked her against his chest again, doing his best to stem the flow of tears that were threatening to fall from her blue eyes.

"No, Beth, listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing could have saved Josh, _nothing_. It was nothing you did or didn't do, it was just his time to go." He rested his head on top of hers, breathing in her sent. Neither of them said a word, content to stay like that and let their minds wander.

_As I held her in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe everything does happen for a reason. For the longest time, I've hated what Coraline did to me and I would have given anything to be able to go back in time and undo it all, but now I'm not so sure. It's like Josef said, maybe Beth is the reason I became a vampire, so I could live long enough to meet her. I've blamed myself for her kidnapping for 22 years and I was right, she was taken because of me. But if it hadn't been for that night I might never have met her, and who knows what could have happened then. She might have died at the hands of Tejada's men or she may not have even been around, killed by the TA from hell months ago. So if it means Beth life or never having known her, then vampirism is a small price to pay._

"You're awful quiet." Beth's voice, slightly muffled by his shirt, broke him from his thoughts.

"So are you." Mick kept his voice low, not wanting to break whatever spell was holding them to the spot. He ached to tell Beth the road his thoughts had traveled but he couldn't, not now, so he turned the focus to her. "Still blaming yourself?"

"No…yes…I don't know. I can't just turn it off, Mick. You of all people should know that."

"Yeah," he offered her a sad smile. "I guess I can understand that. As long as you promise to work on it."

"I will, but I want you to promise me something too." Beth raised her eyes to his and, in that moment, he would have promised her the world.

"Anything."

"I'll try to stop blaming myself if you'll stop blaming yourself for being a vampire. Deal?" She watched Mick's lips twitch into a grin, confusing her since she'd expected some kind of denial or resistance.

"Funny you should mention that. I just decided that being a vampire has more good points than I thought."

"Really?" Beth had a little trouble believing that her brooding vamp had had such a sudden change of heart but she could read the truth in Mick's eyes. "What changed?"

"I finally realized that we wouldn't be standing here right now if I'd never been turned. As much as I miss being human, it's not worth trading all the life I've lived." _It's not worth trading you_. He left the words unspoken but Beth heard them plain as day. It may have been wrong but, for the first time in weeks, she felt happiness start to bubble up inside, and she wasn't about to question it or feel guilty for it. There'd been enough guilt between them already.

She reached up to stroke his face, keeping her eyes locked on his as she slowly raised up to meet his lips. He met her halfway, letting his eyes flutter closed the second he felt the warmth of her lips on his. It wasn't anything like the quick, tentative kisses they shared in the parking lot. This was deeper, more intense. A kiss of discovery.

They pulled apart after a mere minute that felt to Mick like an eternity. Beth smiled at him, her first real smile in weeks, and Mick smiled back, each reassuring the other without words that everything was going to be okay now. Mick laced his fingers with hers and tilted his head in question, uttering a single word. "Stay."

Beth nodded and, without a word, Mick led her up the stairs and down the hall to his 'human' bedroom. Her eyes widened as she took in the ornate black bed in the center of the room, so large that it had to be custom made. Of course, it made sense that a man as big as Mick would need a big bed, she thought as she watched Mick cross the room to a chest of drawers and pull out a blue Henley. He tossed it on the bed as he walked back to her and, without pausing, lifted her into his arms.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, enjoying the closeness for the all too short trip to the bed. Mick gently laid her down and moved towards the foot of the bed, dropping to his knee and reaching for her foot. He watched her watching him as he slowly removed one shoe, then the other, setting both by the foot of the bed. When he was done, he rose to his feet and grabbed the Henley off the bed, holding it out to Beth.

Beth reached for the Henley, letting her hand brush his and feeling a lingering tingle where their skin had touched. Mick started to back away but Beth's fingers caught his belt loop, stopping him in his tracks. Knowing what she was asking, he nodded and stayed right where he was, turning to give her his back. He heard the rustle of the sheets as she shimmied out of her rain-dampened jeans and shirt, placing them on the bed. He heard the telltale clasp of her bra and willed his mind not to picture her mostly naked in his bed.

Luckily for his peace of mind, he heard her slide the Henley over her head, shifting until it was in place. Beth dropped her small stack of clothes on top of where she thought her shoes were on the floor, not really caring where they landed. She reached out a hand to Mick again, touching his hip to let him know it was okay to turn around. When he did, he lost his breath as he took in the sight of her in his shirt.

Beth smiled at the mix of lust and wonderment burning in his eyes and he mentally shook himself out of his stupor. _Get it together, St. John. _Mick lifted her in his arms again, keeping her cradled close to his chest so he could pull back the covers. He made use of his vamp speed, placing her back on the bed before she could really enjoy being in his arms again and, more importantly, before he could dwell on the thin layer of material that was separating him from touching bare skin.

As Mick pulled the covers up, Beth tried to remember the last time anyone had tucked her in, but she couldn't. It was nice though. More than nice. It made her feel safe and pampered, which she was. She closed her eyes as Mick placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and then felt him retreat. It almost made her panic, thinking he was leaving her, but she knew better. They seemed to be beyond words, and she knew without asking that Mick would stay with her.

As he rounded the bed, Mick skimmed off his shirt, now slightly damp from holding her close though he hadn't noticed it before, and tossed it towards the dresser. He toed off his shoes, kicking them towards the corner, and quickly undid his belt, then paused with his hands poised to undo the buttons on his buttonfly jeans. He couldn't exactly sleep next to Beth in his usual state of undress and, though he wasn't used to sleeping in clothes, he wondered if he should grab his silk PJ pants from his freezer room.

Mick glanced towards Beth, wondering if he should ask her, and found that her eyes were open and locked on him again. She nodded once, letting him know it was okay, and he suddenly felt like he was on display. He looked away as he shed his jeans, tossing them towards his shirt by the dresser, then quickly slid between the sheets to join her in bed. Beth moved closer as soon as he was settled, resting her head on his chest and lightly slinging her arm across his stomach. Mick's arms tightened around her, letting her snuggle deeper into his side.

They stayed that way for half an hour until, just when Mick thought she was asleep, Beth broke the easy silence with the barest whisper, "Mick?"

"Yeah," Mick answered just as quietly.

"Thank you. For staying with me. I needed to not be alone tonight."

Mick squeezed her tighter in response. "You never have to be alone again."

Beth was quiet for a minute, tracing light patterns on Mick's abdomen. "Mick?"

He smiled into the dark even though she couldn't see him. "Yeah."

"I'm glad you're here, with me." It was a simple declaration but she knew he'd get the meaning behind her words. She was glad he was alive, glad that he'd become a vampire, glad that it hadn't been him.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." Mick kissed the crown of her head as she yawned. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night's sleep. "Sleep." Mick told her, gently resting his chin on her head.

"I'm afraid to." Beth confessed so softly that he wouldn't have heard her if it hadn't been for his enhanced hearing. "I keep having these horrible nightmares that it's you lying in the park, bleeding to death, and there's nothing I can do. I'm afraid I'll wake up and it'll be true. This will all have been a dream and you'll be gone."

"You don't have to be afraid tonight. I'll be right here the whole time. And if you do wake up," Mick lifted Beth just enough to slide underneath her, settling her completely on top of him so she was touching him from head to toe. "You'll feel me beneath you and know that everything's ok. Okay?" He felt Beth nod against his chest.

Mick listened for several minutes until Beth's breathing slowed. He thought she'd finally fallen asleep until he heard her ask, "You'll never leave me, right?"

"Never is a long time. But, yeah, I'll never leave you." Mick felt her smile against his chest as she gave into her exhaustion, and he felt himself smiling in return. He was happy just to watch her sleep, listening to her steady heartbeat and feeling the warmth spread across his chest each time she exhaled. Finally, he gave into the lethargy pulling at him and closed his eyes, truly content for the first time in his life.

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Okay, that probably sucked but please let me know what you thought, good or bad. : ) 


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